St Kilda Beach

A leisure Sunday morning at St Kilda’s Beach.

More photos here.

Melbourne Walk #5

It is strange how differently it feels when someone is living in a new city for work rather than having holidays.

It has been almost 8 months now that I have live in Melbourne, everyday I walked past many places in the city, but like many melbourian, I did not pay attention to the surroundings.

It is not that when I started to do one of the Melbourne Walk, that I discover so many hidden treasures in the city, some are even streets that I walked past so often everyday.

Introducing to you the Melbourne Walk #5, which encomposses mainly the Collins Street and Chinatown…I felt I have only really experience the living in the City after this walk…

More photos here…

In Memory of Mum – Epilogue

I spend another 2 weeks at home to accompany dad after the funeral. I didn’t cry much during my mum’s funeral. Perhaps I was always slow in coping with the emotion, and perhaps I need to be strong in front of my dad.

Then I was back to Melbourne, having to cope with the new environment and work intensified my grief. The fear of losing mum is taunting me through my dreams. Many of the nights, I dreamt of mum at the time that she was sick, and me worrying if her condition is going to turn worst. Only to wake up from the fear and realized the fact that mum is gone, and I shall no longer worry for her.

At the same time, my mind switched to a re-play mode. I asked myself of every decision that we made, is it for her very own best? Have I done enough in caring and supporting her, is there more that I could have done to made her feel better that time? Were we too greedy to ask for a recovery from the beginning? If we could minimize the treatments, perhaps she will live more happily and freely at the last few months. If only.

It was a sensitive and emotion period for me, but I do understand this is life and eventually what everyone has to go through. It is by going through this that has pull our family together even closer, that we experienced the warmth of kindness and selfless supports especially from the relatives and closed friends, that I learned each of the day alive being healthy is such a bless already.

It has been almost 5 months since the funeral, not to say I am out of grief now, I know it is still a long way down to heal from this heartache experience. But I know is time for me to pull myself together, and the only best way to tell Mum that how much I love her, is to act it out by taking good care of myself and the family. As she always wish…

Mummy, I will always miss you…

 

In Memory of Mum – Part 4 : The Farewell

I really think God is having a big joke with me. On the third day of my returned in Melbourne, I got a SMS from my younger sis, saying mum has gone unconscious out of the sudden, and they have sent her to hospital again. I never felt so helpless ever in my life, there is nothing much I can do here while waiting for my family to feed me news of my mum progress hour by hour.

The second day, they found out mum had a stroke on her right brain, causing her left side of the body paralyze and also affecting her swallowing motion. Mum was in half-conscious mode the following few days. Sometimes she can talk some sense, and sometimes she cannot comprehend the situation around her. I was not aware much of the details till later when I read my sister blog about those few days.

I was ashamed that I am not able to be there, at the time my dad, my mum needed me the most. Being the youngest sis, she has to take up the role of the strong one as dad was not able to bear the emotional stress anymore. No one of us did, wave after wave of bad news, and seeing mum suffer more day after day really breaks our heart, our hope and our strength.

On the 28^th of Feb, I flew back to KL again, after 1 week of returning to Melbourne. I arrived on Sunday morning, at the moment I see mum I can hardly recognize her anymore. Her already skeleton frame is fleshless now, holding her right hand, I can only cry endlessly, asking in my heart, why would God let mum suffer like this.

The rest of the details were written in this post. On the second night of me returning home again, mum bid us farewell. No matter how we reluctant to see her go, no one of us wish to prolong her life anymore for endless suffer.

To be continued…

In Memory of Mum – Part 3 : Going Down Slope

End Jan 2009

I was backed to KL for 1 week break, for the CNY celebration. It has been more than 3 months since I last saw mum. She has become even thinner, but I felt she is more energetic now. We went back hometown to visit grandma for 1 day, and that was the time mum starts to feel really weak.

Feb 2009

This was the month that mum’s health deteriorating liked a skateboard going down hill. On the forth day of CNY, she got admitted to hospital due to anemia and over the 10 days, three times doctor nearly thought she could not make it.

The second and third crisis happened at the week I returned to Melbourne from the CNY break, so I flew back to KL again. Mum got discharged from the KL hospital, but soon admitted to the hospital near to our house due to other complication.

However negatives of what the doctors have said to us, mum situation gone from bad to better again. And with some courage from the physiotherapist she was able to do some walk with the support of walking frame.

Despite all the positive thinking, we can’t deny that mum’s condition has really deteriorating day after day. This time, none of us is greedy anymore, we do not pray for a full recovery, but just wish mum will have a quality life for the remaining days, that means, she is able to eat well, sleep well and have the ability to move around on her own will. Something that every healthy person will take it for granted, has become very precious capability for my mum now.

After 2 weeks stayed in KL, Mum condition seems to be stable that time.

So I returned to Melbourne to resume my work, and with plan to go back for another visit in May.

To be continued…